A Study in Post Modern 落書き

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I go to school about 10 hours a week. This is strange when you take into account the fact that I’m taking 14 classes, which I guess averages to 23 minutes of lecture a week per class. Exciting classes like Software Foundation, Micro Economics, Behavioral Studies, Human Geography, Japanese History, Finance, Intro to Modern Law, History of Science. Apparently I’m getting a BA in Jeopardy.

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Every teacher is different in how they react to the white guy in their class. My Economics professor spent several years in America, so everything he says is phrased in such a way to be criticial of Japanese society (Similar to how everything I say tends to sound critical of the capitalist pigs and their democratic cesspool of corruption). It’s not as bad as my crazy racist landlady, but it’s probably hard to make friends if my answer to his question in the middle of class of “Don’t you find Japanese students to be really stupid?” is “Yeah!” So instead, I went for the more likable response of “Yeah, sort of.” I shouldn’t have copped out though. Who wants to be friends with stupid people anyway?

do1t.jpgMy Behavioral Studies Teacher is the classic grad student using undergrads for her own research. Every class there’s a new survey to fill out, which surely finds its way into her thesises and bibliogrophi and whatever else grad students do. I’m just glad to do my part in tainting her data, unless of course she’s adjusted her thesis to fit a useful test group like 80 Japanese and 1 American. Though if that’s the case, I hope that she’s also adjusted it to fit a test group of 80 Japanese and 1 American who answers all surveys while roleplaying an Irish coalminer. Seamus O’Keefe is an introvert who tends to overcompensate for his own self-realized deficiencies by hassling grad students with boring lectures.

do2t.jpgMy Modern Law professor spent the first 3 weeks avoiding eye contact with me until he finally worked up the nerve to come and see what the hell I was doing in his class. After talking for a bit he decided to ask the difficult question of whether or not I was actually Japanese. I know that big ass Japanese albinos exist somewhere doc, but unfortunately not in your class. I actually can’t understand half the things in his lecture, but after talking to my Japanese friends neither can they. Though according to my econ professor, it’s because they’re stupid.

do3t.jpgThis week in another class, I had to lead a discussion in Direct and Indirect Financing. It’s a good thing I was leading it, because I had no idea what the hell either of those things were. It’s a lot easier to ask Matsunami-san what her thoughts on Direct and Indirect Financing and let her sweat it out, while I reap the sweet sweet not-paying-attention benefits. Though I’ve got to do a presentation on the Japanese tax system, so I guess I should figure out what that like, is.

do6t.jpgFor the same class I’ve also got to do a 10 page report and a 20 minute presentation on Abraham Lincoln. There were about 20 different subjects, most having to do with Japanese historical figures and cultural themes and feeling less like an assignment a 7th grader might get. As tempting the thought of the audacity of standing in front of a class of Japanese students while telling them about their own history is, it just cant compete with the benefit-of-the-doubt-factor. That being, as an American, I’m by default an encyclopedia on all things American.

do5t.jpgIf I say Abraham Lincoln was jewish, that Meshugeneh with the loch in kup was jewish. And his brother Freddy Licoln? A cowboy who robbed gambling ships. Not only does this eliminate the need to “maintain historical accuracy” or “do actual research” but it gives me the oppourtunity to destroy a great man in the minds of people who have nothing to do with him. It’s worth noting that the Japanese word for Lincoln (Both the Abraham and Navigator versions) is pronounced RINKAAN and not RINKAN. Doing a Google Image search for リンカーン(rinkaan) and 輪姦(rinkan). As you can see, the later means something much less civil-war oriented. Be careful when pronouncing them as well. You don’t want to leave people wondering how Gang Rape could have freed the slaves and reunited the North and the South.

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~ by foomfoom on May 13, 2006.

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